I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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