Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
