So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
