I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
