Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
