and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
