I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
