so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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