My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
