I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
