perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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