I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
