She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is my gift to your gina
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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