Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
