just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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