what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
