I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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