i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
