We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
