i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
