uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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