I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
