I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
