I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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