summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
