I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
