Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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