If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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