these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
