Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
