You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
