I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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