Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
