Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
