oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
smell my finger.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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