I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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