My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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