she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
