Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
