This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
