It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
