Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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