Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
