I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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