Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
