What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
