I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
