Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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