Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
