as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
