why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
