wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
