My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This baby is an asshole
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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