Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
