Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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