allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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